At Peace with MY Path

                         

 

I’ve been putting off writing this post for weeks, because I’ve been scared to step into my potential. I hit the age of 25 and realized that I’ve reached a very new and intimidating place in life. Up to this point, there hasn’t been any pressure to have a skillset, to give of myself, to showcase talents. And although I am proud of my past accomplishments, they all seem so easy compared to what I am up against now. I’ve backpacked solo around the world; I’ve obtained various degrees, survived tumultuous relationships, mended broken ties with my family, gained confidence in my beliefs… I have taken huge strides toward self-love and am finally comfortable in my own skin. But here I am now, a stable person, with no clue how to share my gifts with the world. Or even what my gifts are. My personality has landed me a “good job” at a great company, I was born into an abundant and loving community, I had enough guidance to know where to search for truth and healing, and I’m brave enough to go for what I want. But nothing from my past has been an outward expression of my creativity, my soul, my desires and dreams. I have yet to face my biggest fear, and to move in its direction. It has been active practice to even say it out loud: “I want to be a writer, a life coach, an owner of a wellness center”…And not to shrink away in fear of failing.

 

In yoga today, my practice brought my insecurities to light. As I moved from three-legged dog into crescent lunge, I noticed that my hamstring felt a little tweaky. While I normally lift my leg high above my body before lunging, today I half-assed it.

 

I literally told myself that I wasn’t trying hard enough.

 

And then with my breath, I realized that I was in fact showing my body compassion in this time of pain, and that in fact it would be cruel and destructive to push myself to where I normally go or beyond. I was actually honoring my body by being gentle on myself, and that was good.

 

Another thought that recurred in today’s practice was I’m not good enough to be in the front row. There are some really advanced students in class today.

And of course, with my breath, I realized how this was another form of self-cruelty. I told myself that I have no one to measure up against; I am my own being, and learning my very own unique lessons. The person next to me has nothing to do with my highly individual story, and her yoga practice says nothing about me.

 

And then, my teacher said the most necessary words before concluding class: “Our practice changes from day to day. Don’t compare yourself to yesterday; be here in this moment”. A simple reminder, not unique to this class, acted as the medicine I needed to affirm my revelations of self-love. My yoga practice has equipped me with the wisdom and inner strength to face my fears, and to whisper myself the encouragement I need from the inherent wisdom I hold within.

 

Through yoga, I learn exactly what I need to learn each day. It’s okay to be where I am, and it’s okay to take my time. Why am I not a yoga teacher, life coach and business owner, yet, like some of my younger friends? It’s not because I’m less talented, too lazy or too insecure. It’s because I’m on a very special path unique to my spirit, and however long it takes is fine. Putting more pressure on myself, pushing my body to the limit, or choosing an arbitrary goal to work on for one hour each day will not necessarily put me on the fast track to “success”. It might only exhaust my spirit and send me in the wrong direction, only to struggle more in backtracking my way onto my path, again.

 

But honoring my emotional, mental and physical states, knowing when to take it easy and when I’m in a place to express my creativity and passions—this is how I will glide with grace and ease along my path. I am not in competition with any one. I am here to bless the people in my life with the very unique combination of quirks, experiences and gifts that make me who I am. Each person moves at her own speed, learns in her own body, interacts from her own place in the universe, and is not to be compared to any one else. To do so would be to question the perfect design of God, love and the life-force that flows through us. 

It’s a New Generation

I’m in my mid-twenties, and I think it’s safe to say I’m part of a generation struggling to find its identity. We lack the definitive purpose that seemed so obvious to the Baby Boomers and Generation X.

Most of us are “not living up to our full potential”. We take jobs to pay off bills and student loans, but mostly to quit them as soon as we’ve saved enough money to embark on an awesome experience. Many of us live with our parents to reach this goal faster. Those who have opted to further their educations eventually end up in the same boat as the rest of us, only with more debt and more pressure to find a job that can afford them and provide generous vacation time. Of my friends, I’d say about 60% work at jobs that don’t require a degree, and 20% are backpacking in South America. That leaves about 20% who work “real jobs” and chose “practical” majors. Now admittedly, my sample selection is highly concentrated, consisting of primarily sociable, charming and bright men and women in their mid-twenties wielding bachelor’s degrees and raised in middle class homes. They earned good grades in school, played sports and instruments and had some degree of stable parenting. So, Why are they still living with their parents? What are they doing in Colombia? When will they start settling down? , asks loving generation Baby Boom.

At our age, our parents spent little time pondering fulfillment with their work, taking jobs beneath their skillsets or quitting their jobs to see the world. They were busy climbing the corporate ladder, securing benefits and providing for their nuclear families. The times are a-changing, and though we can always blame the economy, I think there’s something bigger at work. My generation simply does not feel rushed to adopt the ways of our forefathers. Maybe we took it hard when our parents got divorced, spent all their time at work, or seemed regretful of the things they never got to experience. (Believe it or not, we learned a lot from you, Mom and Dad.) Maybe we’re ready to redefine social norms, because despite all your hard work, and the selflessness of your goals, your lives are kinda…well, lame!

Our generation prefers a life of leisure, freedom and possibility. We want to do what we love. We don’t want to sell our souls for benefits or prestige. We’re only working to make money for fun and dreams! We don’t believe that we’ll live happily ever after with our college sweethearts…but maybe we’ll raise kids together…ten years from now.

I realize that I’m using my friends to represent an entire generation, and although I recognize that there are many people of my generation that are indeed following in the steps of their parents (20% of my friends included), no one can deny that the we are in the midst of a big, big change! My generation doesn’t trust stocks, real estate and nuclear family molds. We’ve witnessed enough catastrophes to prove that there’s little security or fun in any of the above. So, we’re carving a better way.

Getting from our current state of limbo to our ambiguous destination, however, is a test of courage, patience and imagination for generation “us”. Especially while distrust for our government grows and our faith in established order dies. This leaves “us” with the questions: What are we working towards, and what role do I play in it?

There is no correct response to this question, aside from “we’ll see.” But to me, it seems that we’re already taking huge strides by staying true to our hearts. Doing what we love means we’re free. Free to create, free to be happy, free to travel, free to have dreams. We have the freedom to redefine and reimagine our future, as did every generation before us. So, what will define our generation? That depends on what we dare to envision. ❤

The Waiting Game

We all go through it. That phase where there’s nothing left to do but wait.

And yet, it’s one of the hardest things to do.

It’s like lying in savasana at the end of yoga class, when your mind starts to race and plan the rest of your day. You’re tempted to leap up and off of your mat, congratulate yourself for your hard work and start making moves on your to do list—but your instructor reminds you to be still, clear your mind and observe your present state.

Is there anything more aggravating than fighting the urge to take action? It’s what we’re supposed to do—right? And because the urge seems to only come on whims or in times of desperation, it’s nearly impossible to resist. Whether you’re waiting for a job offer, your server to deliver your meal or that pocket of time to pick up milk from the grocery store, there’s a tendency towards panic and busy work. How many resumes did you submit just to increase your chances of landing any job? How many times have you embarrassed yourself by letting your temper cause a scene at the restaurant? How many times have you rushed through your day to squeeze in that extra errand? Do you even notice how mindless action harms your happiness, and that of others, in the present?

By listening to that soft voice enjoining you to just “be” for a few more moments, you’re in fact laying the groundwork for happiness, peace of mind and genuine productivity. The kind of productivity that will advance your ability to accept truth in each moment, that allows clarity of thought and pointedness of action.

Sometimes, all it takes to achieve happiness is, well, patience. In a culture where inaction is often equated to laziness and apathy, I challenge you to take the radical route and just chill out. You never know what might come your way, or whom you might bless, while being present in this moment. 

“Life is a preparation for the future; and the best preparation for the future is to live as if there were none.” 
― Albert Einstein

Coming Home

This one’s for all you travelers out there—those of you with adventurous spirits, who can’t keep still because you’re too aware of the things you’re not learning by remaining stagnant. Those of you who garner criticism from society for not conforming and not buying into the pitiful lie that a stable job brings about security and happiness, and that those qualities are life’s ultimate goals.

You know who you are. You’ve spent months backpacking in remote villages with broken flip-flops for shoes and a newly forming dreadlock in your hair (just one). You’ve loaded dozens of SDs with snaps of strangers, epic views and exotic creatures of faraway forests. You have Facebook friends from every country in the world, because travelers meet travelers to travel with.

And you’ve all had the trauma of coming home.

The coming home experience can arguably apply to all people. People come home everyday–from work, from school, from the grocery store. But the kind of coming home I’m referring to is no ordinary event. This kind of coming home is of the magnitude of an 8.2 earthquake—the kind known only to world travelers—the kind worthy of mental breakdowns, or at least a “How to _______ for Dummies” guide, but in reality lacks any collective sympathy or support. Where disillusionment with feeling like you’ve accomplished something great kicks in, and the process of social isolation ensues. That moment you realize you’ve changed, but no one else has… at all. Where you have to rely on the grace of family and friends of friends of friends before you can get your weary traveler’s feet back on the ground, because you have zero dollars to your name and a giant hole in your resume. And your pants. Where no job seems applicable or desirable to you, and no one sees how applicable and desirable you are in your favorite shirt, hand-washed countless times in sinks or buckets with or without soap, braving numerous rips from the times it got caught on your trusty walking stick or eaten by bugs in your sleep.

Tis a difficult road ahead for the homebound traveler, who will be shaken meanly from her state of wide-eyed freedom and forced to reacclimatize to the relatively myopic world view of her native culture. She must find peace with being radical, more enlightened and relatively unmoved by things like sports and shopping. She must find compassion for the insular views of her BFFs. She must find out how she fits back in, or accept that she never will.

Where are the support groups for people caught in this cold and lonely scenario? Where is the step-by-step guide to existing after having liberated oneself from the social conditioning that governs one’s culture? How does one in this position come to terms with the truth she’s discovered when no one from home subscribes to the same truth?

The guides don’t exist because coming home is subjective, and in effect an extension of traveling. No traveler could be convinced of the validity to any dogma or law or instruction without the opportunity to conduct some first-hand research, first. So of course there’s no set of rules for a traveler, even upon return to her motherland. Travelers unearth answers from experience, no matter how dirty or rugged the demands. Once a traveler, always a traveler, in that one will forever interpret, question and explore each new experience with an open and unbound mind. Travelers are revolutionaries, by nature, challenging the status quo and curious about the big picture from the day they first ask “why”.

So even if you haven’t traversed the larger continents of the planet, collecting photos and sticks from trails and hostels, and even if you’re not seasoned in the way of haggling in new dialects in desperate attempts to save pennies, you could indeed be a traveler, a social misfit… a revolutionary!

Be strong, fellow travelers, because every day is like coming home from a majestic journey when your mind has cultivated unfiltered experiences and original research to challenge social norms. Society, which includes loved ones, will do its best to brainwash, incite complacency and push you into a life of “security and stability”, but remember that nothing is more harmful to the human spirit. Though you may feel alone at times, because it takes an unusual act of bravery to travel, know that “coming home”, or in any way facing the people who don’t understand your audacity, is but another experience to log into your book of travels.

Don’t worry about the unknowns of when you will land a job, or how you will come about “fitting back in”.

You never fit in to begin with, and it’s not like you’ve never traveled before. ❤